Material Girl
by Invisible on Earth
Summary: I had to make one that made Meat look like an idiot.


*yes, this is named after the Madonna song

**I, personally, am not really a Madonna fan. I wrote this for my best friend, who is a huge fan of her. He's even going to see her in a few weeks

***I slipped in some Roach/Soap and Archer/Toad too ;)

****I own nothing but the idea  
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MacTavish, Roach, Archer, Toad and Ghost were all sleeping in front of the rec room TV. There had been a mission, they'd been compromised and Roach and Toad had gone missing for a few hours.

Archer and Toad were cuddling on one couch, Ghost was asleep in the chair, legs over the arm and head on the side table and MacTavish and Roach were on the other couch, the sergeant in the captain's lap and head on his chest. MacTavish and Archer were holding the younger two so tightly it almost looked possessive. They were sleeping peacefully until the noise hit.

Roach and Toad woke up first. The bleary eyed soldiers woke up the others.

"What the hell is that?" MacTavish asked

"Ugh. My head hurts." Roach put a hand to his head

"Mine too." Toad snuggled into Archer

Ghost lifted his head off the table and looked around, "who the hell is strangling a cat?"

Archer and MacTavish shrugged. Ghost stood and stretched, "lets go find out."

As soon as they got outside, Archer covered his ears and winced. It was loud and the noise was horribly pitched.

"That's horrible." Archer shook his head

"Sounds like we have a gremlin in the system." MacTavish commented

"Well, I'm gonna find I and twist its little head off." Ghost growled

At this point, neither Archer or MacTavish were going to stop him. Toad and Roach just wanted to sleep.

"Oi Archer, use your ears and lead us to this gremlin." Ghost said

Archer uncovered his ears, grimaced at the noise and pointed at the mess hall.

Roach and Toad opened the door to the mess hall. Their mouths dropped and they stepped back. Archer frowned and looked in. He too was left speechless. He stepped back.

"What the hell is wrong with you three?" Ghost asked

"You look." Archer pointed

Ghost and MacTavish looked at each other and peeked in the door.

Inside, Meat was on a table, naked, obviously drunk and sing very off key. A few others were cheering.

"The hell?" was all MacTavish could say

"I just can't believe he has an audience." Archer said from behind them

"You guys take them back to the rec room. I'll handle this." Ghost said

"Just please, as tempting as it is, don't kill him. I have enough paperwork." MacTavish said

"No promises."

"I'm serious."

Ghost just gave the captain a look. Archer grabbed Toad by the shoulders and led him back to the rec room, happy to be getting away from the noise. MacTavish and Roach followed.

The rec room was still lit by the TV, the movie in the player had been over for sometime. Archer flipped on the light and shut the TV off before plopping on the couch.

"Come here Toad." Archer held his arms out to the younger sniper

Toad fell into Archer's arms and winced.

"Careful." Archer scolded lightly

Toad just curled into Archer's chest. Archer put his arms around Toad's shoulders. Roach was lying on the couch,head in MacTavish's lap. MacTavish was running his fingers through Roach's hair.

"I hate when they get hurt." Archer said

"Me too." MacTavish nodded

"Hey. Listen."

"Silence."

Ghost walked in, smirk on his face. MacTavish became suspicious.

"What did you do?" MacTavish asked

"You'll see in the morning." Ghost said

"Is he still alive?"

"Yes."

That was good enough for the captain. He let himself fall asleep.

The next morning, Roach, Toad, MacTavish and Archer were greeted by Ghost's artistic abilities.

Meat, still naked and now hungover, was tied to the flagpole. He had a blonde wig on and across his chest, written in bright pink paint was 'Material Girl'. Toad and Roach lost it.

"That's what he was singing." Ghost said when MacTavish eyed him

"Fine. Let's go get breakfast. Royce can cut him down later. Its cloudy. He'll be fine." MacTavish said

"I don't think he'll be drunk singing for a while." Archer grinned

"Good. My head hurts enough without that bloody moron singing." Toad said

"I know."

Archer pressed a kiss to Toad's forehead and urged him towards the mess hall.

"So Ghost, where'd you get the blonde wig?" Archer asked

"Training dummy. I turned Roberta into Robert just so I could have her hair." Ghost joked

"Nice."

Ghost looked around the mess hall, "I'm thinking a few extra laps would be perfect for today."

Archer gave Ghost a look. Ghost shook his head.

"Not for you. You just take care of Toad today. This is about revenge." Ghost smirked under his mask

Most of the others looked hungover. Royce was looking especially green.

"Eh Royce." Ghost said

"Yes sir." Royce looked at him

"Would you mind cutting the material girl down and brining him in for breakfast?"

"And make sure he's wearing clothes." MacTavish added

"Right away sir."

Royce walked out. Roach and Toad giggled. Never again did Meat drunk sing. Well, at least not while Ghost and MacTavish were on base anyway.

I had to make one that picked on Meat a little! I wrote this while on a trip to Cleveland with Jeremy and guess what song was playing... Material Girl!


End file.
